Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Friday, December 26, 2008

Merry Christmas from the neighbors....

Since I don't get the day after Christmas off, I was the first to arrive at the office this morning.

I was greeted with a "Christmas gift" from someone in the neighborhood.

It doesn't appear that anything is missing from the maybe it was just some random act of stupidity. Eh, who knows. After the local men in blue left, it only took 45 minutes to clean up.

Now the fun will be locating a glass company that will come out today and fix it!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Shopping at WalMart

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dogs: Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (What did she think, that I had an elephant?)

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, that the food is nutritionally complete; so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack; he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore,according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known...ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Earthquake today near my home

The Post and Courier
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Shaking walls, rattling shelves and a boom sound startled many residents of Goose Creek, Summerville and Ladson as they began their day.
The U.S. Geological Survey's National Earthquake Center recorded a quake with preliminary magnitude of 3.6 at 7:42 a.m. Soon, more than 200 reports about the quake began flowing into the Survey's National Earthquake Center.
"It has been felt in the general area," geophysicist Jessica Sigala said. "We probably won't see damage with this."
Carrie Ann Bedwell, another geophysicist at the Earthquake Center, said the quake was located about 10 miles east southeast of Summerville.
Michelle Kaneff has been helping her 12-year-old son get ready for school in their home in Goose Creek's Devon Forest subdivision when she heard a loud rumbling.
"He pointed to the wall and you could see the whole house shifting to the left-hand side and it came right back," she said. "Within a couple seconds it had stopped."
Parts of Berkeley and Dorchester counties periodically experience minor seismic activity.
The most devastating earthquake in Charleston struck in 1886, killing more than 100 people and injuring some 500.
The 7.3 magnitude temblor came from the Woodstock fault just before 10 p.m. on an August night. Two-thirds of the brick buildings in Charleston were destroyed or nearly destroyed; all the buildings in Summerville, within a few miles of the epicenter, were at least damaged.
The fault is actually two rifts in the rock deep underground, one traveling roughly from the ACE Basin almost to Lake Moultrie, the other traveling roughly along the Ashley River. They open on each other underneath the river somewhere around Middleton Place.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The 3AM wake-up...

A man is sleeping in bed with his wife when he hears a knock at the door.
He glances at the clock and wonders who is at the door at 3a.m.
He puts on his robe and answers the door, a drunk stranger stands there.
"Hello mister, I was hoping you could help me, I need a push." said the stranger.
"It's 3am and raining out side, I don't think so," replies the man as he shuts the door.

When he goes back to bed his wife asks who was at the door.
"A drunk needing a push" he tells her, "What did you tell him?" she asks.
"I told him no, it's 3am and raining" he replies.
She says "I think you should help him, remember when we were broke down
and those guys helped us when we didn't think anyone was going to stop?"

So he gets up, gets dressed, puts on his raincoat.
As he heads out the door into the night, he doesn't see anyone.
"Are you still here?" he asks, "Yes" the drunk replies.
"Do you still need a push?" the man asks.
"Yes, thank you" the drunk replies.
"Where are you?" he asks.

(wait for it)

(keep scrolling)

"Over here on the swing."

Tuesday, December 2, 2008