Monday, October 22, 2012

Why don't I want a "relationship"?

In a nutshell, I'm tired of being hurt.

I have opened my life, and my heart, too many times just to have a knife stabbed into my back. I've given, sacrificed even, listened to, been caring, supportive and understanding time after time only to have the one with whom I have become smitten turn around and cut me off completely. And on more than one occasion attempt to physically harm me!
I have heard every excuse there is. There is always a 'reason' that we can't be together right now...
I've even been told...and I quote..."I know in my heart that one day we will be together, it could be next week or next month or next year, but we will be together." Right...and I am Bill frikkin Gates!!
I seem to always fall for those who are emotionally, or just mentally, unavailable...either that or they are just mental..!!! And for some crazy reason I always believe when I'm told I am loved.
Sure, things can seem to be working out just fine for a while. I've even married some of them. But every time it has come to an end. Sometimes it's painful for them, some times not. But it always hurts me. Sure, I have ended a relationship or two, and even cut them off at the first sign of her emotions being more than I want at the time. But I was always honest about it and said that I just didn't want that kind of relationship...several of them are still good friends with me to this day. Others, well, I have no idea...
My point is:
I have done it for the last time. I will not allow myself to enter another "relationship" like I've had in the past. I will continue to be a friend who listens and lends a shoulder when needed, and I will be supportive of decisions to be made. However, I will no longer allow myself to be put in a position where the potential for heartbreak will happen to me again.
I'm done. Fini. færdig. τελικό. מוגמר. acabado. kumaliza.
Finished with the traditional "relationship". I'm not willing to allow the kind of utter sadness and humiliation I have already endured to happen again.
This may sound harsh, cold, insensitive, or just's how I feel. The ones I have met lately, and some from the past with whom I still communicate, know most of this already. Some, as expected, still do not understand, there it is. The "Why"....

I'm sure I could edit this to add more... but without going into greater detail than already stated, just know this: my reason stands.

Feel free to email questions or even suggestions, just don't try to convince me to feel any differently or try to change my mind. I'm to the point in my life where the only person I HAVE to make happy is ME...and I like it this way...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

All alone? Really? Are you?

Admit it. We have all felt, at times, that we are totally alone. The loneliness can be excruciating. It can make you feel like curling up in a little ball and crying until the pain stop, if ever. It could be so bad that you have even given thought to hiding from everything and just wait for someone to notice...
But no one is ever truly alone. No, you may not have anyone right there beside you, physically, but you are always in someone's thoughts.
You may feel like the only person on the planet, but someone, somewhere, just saw something that reminds them of you.
You are always on SOMEONEs mind. It could be your parents, or siblings, maybe a former classmate, or a past love interest, it could be your child, or your least favorite person...but you are always on someone's mind.
You may never know how often someone thinks of you. You may have someone thinking about you that you barely know. Or it could be someone with whom you thought you were very close...but someone, somewhere, maybe just outside your scope of imagination...someone is thinking about you.
It could be someone you just met, or someone who saw you at a store and just looking at you made them think about you! It could be a friend of a friend who saw a picture of you on someone's never know...
You are always in someone's thoughts.

Be pleased that you are being thought of...even if its by a person who dislikes you, it's still better than living on a deserted island with no possibility of ever getting off it!! No, awesome as that could be, you will still never REALLY be alone!

(You just read THIS, didn't you?)


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Act of Valor...the movie

If you don't read my other posts, you HAVE to read this one...if you don't read it, you can’t complain
Adult/explicit language may used…You may have never heard me use this language, and I am certain I will offend many if not ALL by one comment or another, but I don’t  give two flying duck farts. This is The United States of America. I am a free individual with the right and ability to form an opinion about anything and everything, and to share that in any form or fashion I wish.  I am allowed to share MY thoughts and opinions just as much as Martin Luther King or Rush Frikkin Limbaugh! If the language bothers you, don’t repeat it. If the content offends you, then I have shared my thoughts adequately. If you read it and say “Meh, whatever“, then delete me. I really could care less. 
On with my post:
WATCH THE MOVIE "ACT OF VALOR" doesn't have Oscar winning actors in it, nor is the soundtrack from a top-billed band, but it tells a story rarely seen. Movies are made all the time about our military; Black Hawk Down, Behind Enemy Lines, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket just to name a few that pop right into my head. THIS movie is different. THIS movie shows more of the true sacrifice these young men and women (many are just boys and girls!) actually pay so that we (YOU AND ME) can have the freedoms we have. The freedom to bitch and complain about what the politicians are arguing about, or what Snooky did at the beach, or what Simon Coward said about the girl who can't sing, but still tried...THIS MOVIE SHOULD HAVE WON EVERY AWARD EVER GIVEN. Oh, I am so riled up right now...You nitwit little piss-ants who whine and protest saying gay marriage should be legal, or you pin-head bastards who say gay marriage should NOT be legal…THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!! You hard-core rockers who scream at the top of your lungs, and you nasal sounding twangy little pop-tarts who get paid to sing thru a machine that alters your voice to sound almost human, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!! You legalistic Bible beating evangelists who preach hell fire and damnation, and you Mother Earth loving tree huggers, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!!!!  You uptight pansy-ass tightwads who drive Hummers and have to keep up with the Jones’s, and you broke-ass Pinto driving fast-food workers, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!!!! You holier-than-thou, do-gooders and you skid row heathens, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!!! You Harley riding look down on every other brand of bike hard-nosed jack wad, and you DUI-gettin’ moped liquor-cycle riding lush, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!!! You Stuck up, better-than-me, know someone who can get you out of trouble with the law even if you smoke weed like it’s going out of style and you convicted felons who don’t know anyone to get you out of trouble so you have to serve time because you got caught, THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM (well, limited for you convicts, of course, but you get my point!)
Why do those who serve in our military get the left-overs??? When they come back from a war especially, they should be welcomed with open arms!!! They should have the red carpet rolled out for them!!! They should be set for life with their health benefits!!! AND I DO MEAN 100%!!!! They should get ADEQUATE assistance with civilian job placement!!! Their spouses should be taken care of, too…are you frikkin kidding me? You politicians who can’t balance a budget are the worst!! No, you people who bitch and moan about every little thing and don’t lift a damn finger to try and make things better are the worst!!! Oh, I want to go on and on and on and on…’
I swear to pete I wish I had served 20+ years and then gotten into a field where I can HELP these veterans!!! I don’t know, anything. One man can’t change the country, I know this. But one man CAN rant and vent and share thoughts and opinions. King and Limbaugh just found a better soapbox than what I can find. I’m not politician, nor am I a public speaker. In fact, being in front of people causes me to panic. I am much more a behind-the-scenes guy. But holy damn, watching this movie really made me realize how much the USA basically turns it’s back on these men and women who serve and LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES so we can HAVE the RIGHT to bitch and moan.
Just remember the next time you turn on a TV or a radio…you have a choice…you don’t HAVE to listen to Hanoi Jane, or Tokyo Rose, or Fidel or Mussolini or ANY OTHER DICTATOR or communist…YOU HAVE A CHOICE to turn the station because THESE PEOPLE DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM!!!!
 Remember this the next time you go out to eat WHEREVER YOU WANT with your family, or your date, or just by yourself…
Remember this the next time you go to the grocery store and have thousands of choices of what you get to buy…
Remember this the next time you want to hop in your car or on your motorcycle and just take a leisurely drive on a lazy Sunday afternoon…
Remember this the next time YOU want to bitch about Chic-fi-la or about Glenn Beck, or Jane Fonda or Bush or Obama…
Remember this the next time you see someone with tattoos all up and down their arms and across their back and chest and you want to think they are less of a person, or a low-life for enjoying something they take pride in…
Remember this the next time you see a family member you haven’t seen in weeks or months and they have gained 40 pounds…
When the movie is coming to a close, listen for this: “So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.”
THEN tell me I’m an ass for posting this!!! And if you can watch this movie to the end with dry eyes, then you can kiss my American ass!!! J